One thing I learned in my twenties which was very difficult to assimilate, is that there is no one answer from one doctor about any health issue I have or have had. We each have to take responsibility for deeper listening about what our bodies need and want from us. There is no magic bullet-there just isn’t. I have fought many things about diet and breathing for as long as I can remember.
When I was in high school, I was convinced that I was fat and ugly-I was neither, but the combination of being in my teens, living in Dallas Texas in the 1980′s with girls who were ALL blond and cheerleaders, living with my mother’s terminal illness, and a household full of undiagnosed brain chemistry stuff, made it easy for me to buy into that idea.
In my 20′s, when I was a Nanny, I began exploring my body’s ecology, worked with a Nurse Practitioner who was also a group facilitator for a “Women Who Run With The Wolves” group-it was pretty pathetic. She was fabulous and annoyed that we weren’t all fabulous too! She did get me to read about yeast and sugar allergy-addiction. So, given that I had not yet found the middle path yet, I went at it fast and furious, trying to fix myself because there was something wrong!
I lost a ton of weight, bought a little black dress, went on a date with a guy, terrified myself ( I was not out of the closet yet) because I felt so naked and vulnerable, and promptly stopped working out and eating a certain way-back to obsessive eating and obsessive thinking.
I only smoked during two periods of my life-(ok except when I was 7 and had my first cigarette with Jeff in the bottom of a new house being built)once in my early twenties for about 3-6 months after I lost my other to cancer, and then when I was with my first partner and she was a smoker. I smoked for about 3 months after I ended the relationship, and that was the end of that. I regret it still-smoking is stupid!
After the break-up, when I was 40, I was properly diagnosed with asthma, adhd, and depression. This was a direct result of starting 12-step work in AL-ANON with a sponsor.
So here I am, years later, off all the medication, except that I am not ready to breath on my own. I spent the entire winter this past year trying not be on Symbicort for asthma. I was completely miserable, learned a ton, did a lot of inner work, changed my diet, and didn’t sleep or breathe well. I went the ER a few times, had several panic attacks, eliminated processed everything, sugar, wheat, gluten, yeast, any fruit besides apples and citrus, ate lots and lots of brown rice, drank gallons of water, and yet-I could not breathe!
Last night, I surrendered to reality and my program, used the three A’s-Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, and went and bought the expensive asthma medication. Within literally 3 minutes of taking the Symbicort, I was breathing like a champ! Boom-simple! Inhale and breathe.
And I hate it. I bless every Energy, Thought-form and Being that created Symbicort and I am really upset that today, for now, I am dependent on this thing to help me stay alive.This is the same process I went through when I got on meds for adhd and depression-fear, shame and guilt. Yet, it feels worse because this is about a basic function of living.
I also know today because I have an ALANON program of recovery and know how to use it, that feelings are not facts, and that when the time comes, if it comes, this will heal too, and I will have other tools in place just like I do for depression and adhd.
As I have stated many, many times about Autism Spectrum issues and Depression issues, unless you are the one not breathing or being able to function, do not go on your vegan rant about how bad medication is when you have never in your life struggled with any of these issues! People take medication for depression so they can function! same thing with ADHD and other Autism Spectrum issues!
Medication is a personal choice for each of us based on our self-awareness and needs. Today, for now, I need Symbicort. I bless it, and give thanks that at least it only costs @ $100 here in Ontario Canada, as opposed to $300+ in the U.S.
I will add this P.S. for anyone who hasn’t read my previous blogs about the breathing issue. When I was 5-7 years old ( I don’t remember exactly) I drowned in a pond and nearly died. My mother was a smoker (and her alcoholic mother was too)and so I had both that traumatic event and second-hand smoke as part of my reality.
I am on a Progression of Learning and Healing. Since I can now breathe and function, I am keeping my diet, for now, drinking coffee today ( we’ll see how that goes), and lots of water. I am filled with Curiosity and Hope to see where this leads!
Breathing in, and Breathing out with Gratitude and Love for All That Is!
Light and Love to you!